IxnayOnTheTimmay ([info]ixnayonthetimma) wrote,
@ 2008-03-16 20:17:00
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Entry tags:cat, life, mid-life-crisis?

The Purpose of Life...
..is something that eludes me. Sorry for those of you who read the title who thought I might have made some remarkable revelation. All I have managed to come up with so far is the very pragmatic notion that the question of the purpose of life assumes that life even has a purpose to begin with. Only living creatures that are somehow aware of their own aliveness could want to ponder it. However, some stuff has been happening to me lately that has made me realize that, in fact, there is actually a little more to human beings existence than simply some desire to reconcile and justify ourselves being here that is based from a latent pattern-recognition system we have hard-wired in our brains. But I digress...



I have been feeling very uncreative for the past few years. It could have a lot to do with the fact that I have actually not been very creative for the past few years. And whenever I don't do something creative for creativity's sake, I feel very unproductive. And this unproductive feeling is uncorrelated to how much work I have managed to do at my job. I have kind of come to the realization that, to be truly happy, I wasn't meant to work a regular 9-5 job. I have also come to the realization that there is a very small niche for people who don't work regular 9-5 jobs and it will be very unlikely that I will be able to leave that realm.

Nontheless, irrespective of how many widgets I can actually produce at wherever it is I am working, I feel very unproductive when I am not creative. It is something I have thought about a lot, especially ever since I have moved to Arizona which has been scientifically proven to be a black hole of culture and creativity; not even artistic skills can survive in the desert, which is why anyone talented from here manages to find a way to move far away. Every time I think of how empty I feel when not doing something creative, I am reminded of a Home Improvement episode. In this episode, Wilson tells Tim that men try to create things because men can't have babies. The tool man does his trademark grunt in inquisitive form, and Wilson follows up by saying that since women are the ones that create life, men innately feel compelled to create anything else they can that they may feel improves (or in come cases, destroys) life. Mulling over this has lead me to wonder how much of the crap that has gone on in out history has been a direct result of men trying badly to justify their own necessity.

On thinking about this very fundamental truth, I cannot help but wonder; would I feel 'uncreative' if I were a woman, knowing that I would have the ability to bring another life into this world? Do I somehow feel empty when I am not playing with a photo in Photoshop, drawing something out or making yet another .gmax rendering of a building because I subconsciously think that a life spent not doing these things would be a life wasted? Or is it some sort of evolutionary self-preservation tactic devised by the creator to ensure that men don't get too distracted with beating the crap out of one another to go and become fathers and raise a family? I don't know.

Since I am more than likely not going to become a best-selling author or world-famous artist, I have to acknowledge that I will be a blue-collar slob who won't have an entry in the history books or a Wikipedia article. However, I am okay with that. The question I have is this: Knowing all of this, how can I still make a positive impact on humanity; do something for mankind that betters it, even if I am never acknowledged for it? That, at least right now, I don't know.

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[info]applepieisgood
2008-03-17 04:48 pm UTC (link)
just because we can have babies doesnt mean we are creative.

i think as we get older, obviously things will change, and so will our creativity. just because you arent as creative as you were before doesnt mean you lack it. you still have it in you, you just need to figure out what it is you want to be creative with and when. having a life and no time for such things will obviously make you not want to do it.

for me, i look at it this way. i used to try to be creative. i used to try everything i could. but i didnt do it for myself, i was doing it because i was jealous. jealous that everyone around me could do it but me. i couldnt draw, and i couldnt play any instruments. but...i can write and i can act. and my creativeness comes out in my writing more than acting since i have had the opportunity to write more.

if you really want to make an impact on mankind, win the powerball/lottery and donate to a charity where you will be recognized around the world :)

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Longest Comment Ever
[info]toewigglingelf
2008-03-18 05:19 am UTC (link)
I think two of the things you said have a very strong correlation that maybe you're not picking up on. You don't think, to be truly happy, you're meant to work a regular 9-5 job. You also said you've been suffering from a lack of creativity, or a lack of motivation to create.

If you work 40 hours a week, and sleep 8 hours a night (that's 56 hours), and spend 1 hour each day that you work getting ready for work, driving to work, and driving home from work, that's 5 hours a week (I would guess most people spend more time than that commuting and getting ready, but I'm trying to be fair), then you're left with 67 hours to yourself of the 168 hours a week. 7 hours a day on weekdays and the whole day on weekends. With grocery shopping, laundry, grooming, and a myriad of other errands weighing you down, how much time are you spending enjoying yourself?

If you're spending half your life doing work that doesn't stimulate you, of course you're going to lack creativity. And if you're doing work that isn't fulfilling, you're going to get depressed. Watch an episode of The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin and I'm sure you'll relate to Reginald on some level.

As for your thinking that it would be unlikely that you'll be able to leave the realm of the 9-5 jobs, I say PHAH! You'll notice that in every line of work there are people who are unlikely candidates. How did Sarah Jessica Parker become a famous actress? She's hideous. Determination will get you anywhere you want to go. Don't smirk, I'm serious. So what do you want? Figure out what it is you want, and make a plan. No one ever accomplished anything they didn't -try- to accomplish.

You've already used up a third of your life and I will absolutely strangle you if you spend the rest of your life in stagnation (the rest of your life up until the point that I strangle you, that is).

Miss Bossy Says: Figure out what you want (keep your standards high). Make a plan. Go after it. Relish in trumping every fear that stands in your way.

Do it or I'll pull out my mallet.

P.S. If you're so depressed you think you don't want anything, go camping by yourself for a weekend and bring a journal. Actually, do that whether you're depressed or not. It will clear your head and bring out your creative side.

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Re: Longest Comment Ever
[info]ixnayonthetimma
2008-03-18 07:06 am UTC (link)
I appreciate what you have to say here. And I think it's a little dubious to say that this is the longest comment ever. After all, I've left some pretty inane long ramblings on peoples' el jays in my time.

Rest assured what I typed here wasn't the product of some hidden depression I harbor. Maybe it is, but it is certainly not something I feel in my day-to-day existence. In fact, I have been feeling very optimistic about the things that have been going on for me in the past few months in a way that I have not felt in a long time. I believe that this entry, to me, was more of an acknowledgment that I need to return to a place to where I was trying to go before the need for food, shelter, clothing and sustenance smacked me in the face at the age of eighteen. I think that only because everything else required to meet the first three to four levels of the five-level hierarchy of needs is now being stably met, I am ready to accept the need to fulfill the fifth level that was on hold until now; the self-actualization level.

Furthermore, I wouldn't say that a third of my life has been 'used up,' implying that everything I've done up to this point is irrelevant. Nor do I have any intention of spending the rest of my life in stagnation. Even if I were to be squished by a bus tomorrow afternoon, I know that the total sum of my life to this point has not been a total waste, at least to me.

I will figure out what the hell it is I am to do. I just don't know that right now. But worry not when the day comes, I plan to seize it as much as is implied by that cliched Latin phrase. Even so, the support and enthusiasm you showed me in this comment is deeply appreciated. And I plan on enjoying the day when I can pour relish on Donald Trump. Wait...what?

And what I read the first time I skimmed over it was this: "Do it or I'll pull out my mullet."

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